I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
