I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
