my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
