so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
