I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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