had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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