K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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