Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
