My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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