tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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