Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize