i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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