I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
