I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
