So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
