i jhust puked up my retainher.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
