Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
