I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
