I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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