Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
