even my farts smell like vagina
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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