NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
