he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Houston, we have a squirter
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize