oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
