it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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