drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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