So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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