I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think your dad took our porno
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
