as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
