i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize