how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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