How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
