when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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