Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
