I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
