i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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