Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
