Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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