Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
