my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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