I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
