I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
