Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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