Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
