weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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