Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
