Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
