My first STD was from a foam party
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
