did you get engaged???
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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