You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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