You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize