I think I died a long time ago.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
