so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
