tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
