Got a toothbrush?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
