I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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