He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
