you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
