Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
