I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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