pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
