P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
