Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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