ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
