My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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