dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
