Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
