i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize