we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
