If i come over, it means nothing
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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