They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
