so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
