Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
