Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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