She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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