her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
